I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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