Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
