I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
