Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
