Ambien. No doubt about it.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Are my feet made of real feet?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
