we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
