dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
