Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
