I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
