True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
handjob tips. give me some.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
