I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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