Grow some girl-balls and come out already
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
