No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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