these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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