Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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