so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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