why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
