Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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