David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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