It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
