If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
