yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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