she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
