I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
