my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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