how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
zippers are such a cool invention
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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