i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
