when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
