come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
