Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Bring me that man meat
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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