Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
