A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
even my farts smell like vagina
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
