I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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