Don't make out with my wife yet
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
