We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
