Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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