I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
no more duck duck goose at the bar
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
