There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
