we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
bring money and cleavage
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
