Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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