she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
