it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
