im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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