We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Fuck appropriateness.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She bit a glass in half.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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