the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
