I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
