if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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