The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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