Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Everyone says I win the strip club
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
