Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
