im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
