this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
