I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
