I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
