Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
